Trevin Chow

UberReview.com posted up a list of Top 10 alarm clocks. This is really the “top 10 most annoying and idiotic alarm clocks”. While it’s amusing to read, it’s definitley not useful because none of em are really viable devices. They do, however, feature the Puzzle Alarm clock I so lovingly commented on before.

Gerard sent me a review of alarm clocks that Slate.com did. His exact IM to me was “I thought of your obsession with alarm clocks when I saw this”.

Their rating methodology is on 4 factors:

“Ease of Use (10 possible points): Our days are stressful enough already—setting one’s alarm clock should not be as difficult as programming a computer. Was the instruction manual required reading? Did the clock wake me up in the middle of the night because I set it wrong? Could my Luddite father use this thing?

Wakeupability (10 possible points): The clock may not roll under the bed or have a mind of its own, but is the alarm volume adjustable for light and heavy sleepers? How well will it get me out of bed without making me want to smash it against a wall?

Features (10 possible points): More features don’t necessarily make a better clock, but this was an important metric in determining its overall quality.

Looks (10 possible points): Not only do you have to hear this thing every day, but you have to look at it, too. It needs some redeeming aesthetic qualities.”

The most important category for an alarm clock is certainly “Wakeupability” (sounds like a word I’d come up with) and the least important one is “Looks”. I don’t know about you, but if I found the best alarm clock in the world, but it didn’t match the decor of my bedroom, I’d still buy it

After reading the review, I’m disappointed in it. They have given a stronger weighting to alarm clocks that feature gimmicks than beneficial features. For example, they scored the Hammacher Schlemmer Peaceful Progression Wake Up Clock (trying saying that 5 times) higher because it sports an aromatherapy feature to release a scent to help you wakeup. Who are these reviewers!? Are they running a spa or trying to get up for work?

Second gripe is that they scored the Brookstone iHome Clock Radio for iPod ($99.95) very high simply because of the iPod connectivity. I’m an iPod fanboy just like the next guy, but there is no way this would be practical. I might plug in my ipod for the first few days, but then I’d forget to do it, leaving me with a really expensive clock radio each night with a sub-par feature set.

The ultimate winner was the RCA RP3765 ($56.99), which I completely disagree with. They give is kudos for being able to get local weather reports and play CDs. Based solely on the units and the description in the review, I would either have chosen the Timex AM/FM Clock Radio ($33) or the RCA RP3720 ($22) because of the convenient “napping” features, “graduwake” and dual alarm settings. I especially like the seven/five/two-day alarm schedule the timex has — what a great idea! Everything else in every other alarm clock in this review is complete fluff just to justify a heftier price.

One of these days, I have to convince someone to sponsor my own alarm clock review. Based on my experiences, the ultimate alarm clock would have these are must-haves:

1. Snooze button – you’re laughing but some alarm clocks don’t even have this feature, like the Biobrite EZ Wake Sunrise Clock. I guess the engineers forgot that normal humans like to hit the snooze buttone every once and awhile. Oh yeah, the snooze button should be nice and big so it’s easy to hit. No sense in having a snooze button that you have to hunt and peck for.
2. Dual alarms, with independant volume control — You could then set one alarm to start softer and the second alarm to be extremely loud. This would coincide with my current strategy for waking up as described by Vincent Cheung (look for his “simple system”).
3. Loud alarm – needs to be really, really loud. Or at least give me the option of setting it really loud. No sense in having an alarm clock you can tune out. Light sleepers can be satisfied by a “light sleeper” setting with a softer tone.
4. Schedule flexibility — like the Timex AM/FM Clock Radio, I love the idea of having the option of either the same alarm schedule every day, or a different schedule for mon-fri vs. sat-sun. How many of you constantly adjust your alarm right before you sleep and sometimes you forget and get woken up at the wrong time on a sunday morning?
5. Quick nap – in 2 button presses or less, allow me to take a quick nap assuming I’ve already preset the nap time. Revising the nap length should take me no more than 5 seconds.
6. Battery backup – absolutely essential in case of power failure or you need to unplug it. Backup runtime shoudl be reasonable to outlast a short power outage, at least 10 mins.

Nice to have features. These are no ship stoppers for my dream alarm clock, but I would value if it had.

1. Graduwake – must get louder progressively over time.
2. Ability to play a particular track on a CD – I’m not that keen on this feature, but I guess it woudl be nice. I know what will happen is that I”ll just leave the same CD in there all the time and never change it. It could be cool if this thing was Wifi enabled and I coudl stream an MP3 from my music server.. but let’s get real. This is an alarm clock.
3. Look good – I slagged the “Looks” review criteria earlier, but I do admit I like nice looking things that match my furniture. But it’s definitely not a “must have” and I’m definitely not paying through the nose for it.
4. Digital radio tuner – Please raise your hand if you hate using an analog tuner with a scroll wheel to find your radio stations. Yes, I hate em too. Give me a digital tuner please.

Maybe some company out there wants to hire me to review their alarm clocks before coming to market? My services are for sale

I’ve gone on in the past about my inability to wake up in the morning and an idea how to solve this. In fact, my previous post on the aXbo alarm clock continues to be the most popular post on my entire blog. I will be definitely adding more fuel to the fire that I have an obsession with alarm clocks since I’m blogging again about another such wakeup gadget from hell.

Enter, the puzzle alarm clock. At $52, this could be described as a complete nightmare for me (and probably you) given my level of coherence in the morning. With this baby, in order to turn it off you have to fit the puzzle pieces together!

The kicker is there is no snooze button which is what makes this absolutely horrific. This may be the best, and worst, $52 you can ever spend.

(Thanks to Tony for the tip)

At 199 Euros, the aXbo alarm clock is pretty damn expensive. My previous attempts at finding alarm clocks has pretty much failed. However, if what the aXbo promises is true, it may be worth it! From their about page:

Naturally each person has his/her own individual sleeping pattern, but there are some factors that mark the sleep of a healthy grown-up.

This is where aXbo comes in. The physical activity that characterises the various sleep phases is monitored, so that aXbo is able to calculate the optimal point at which to wake you.”

There was a previous device, called the Sleeptracker, which came out a little while ago which got lots of great reviews. Peeps reports that the 2 big downsides were (1) it was really uncomfortable to wear a watch to sleep and (2) sometimes you wouldn’t be able to hear the alarm clock since it was so quiet. Hmm.. it prevents you from falling asleep and if you manage to do so, it can’t even wake you up? Not a good value prop

Enter the aXbo: Supposed to solve the problem of the sleeptracker by utilizing a soft wristband instead of a watch, and it’s actually a real alarm clock to boot.

My concern is (1) the price.. my god. $250?! (2) how comfortable is that wrist-band to wear, and (3) will this thing actually work?

Lastly, but most importantly, what if it DOES work, and i never actually wake up ever again because i’m so tired?

On average, the snooze button gets hits twice each morning, and each snooze cycle is 8 mins long. So a total of a 16 minute daily… imagine how much more could be done over the course of a year with a 16 mins of extra waking time (3920 hours assuming only 49 work weeks in a year… 65 hours!).

In that spirit, here are 2 gadgets that peaked my interest:

Wakeup gadget from Hell #1: The alarm clock that flies around your head in the air when it goes off

However, given how loud my current alarm is, this thing might not actually wake me up because it’s sound is described as “supposedly an annoying, mosquito-like buzzing”. If it’s only a “mosquito buzz” then this thing’s got nothin’ on me in the morning.. may as well give up now.

Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse (or better?), I present you:

Wakeup gadget from Hell #2: The inflatable pillow that will break your spine

Instead of just inflating to throw you off the bed in the morning, it keeps inflating more and more putting you in the most uncomfortable position you can imagine… this coupled with my ultra-loud alarm clock and my cell phone alarm going off on the other side of the room might have a shot getting me up to enjoy my cup of joe 16 mins earlier.