Fresh off the press from my pal Tony, on how to answer questions from your significant other:

“Without question.” - In response to, “Am I prettier than her?”

“No.” - In response to, “Does this make me look fat?” or “Am I getting fat?” or “Does size matter?” (this works both ways, according to Friends)

“Yes, dear.” - In response to, “Do you think {we|you} can ____?”

“I didn’t even notice her.” - In response to any question or phrase involving another female (e.g. “Good lord. That girl’s boobs were hanging right out of her shirt!”)

“I love you exactly the way you are.” - In response to any question fitting this template: “Would you like me better if I {were|had} _____?”

This list won’t be complete until it has a response for “Would you eat my dog?”