Answers that help you avoid relationship conflict
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Fresh off the press from my pal Tony, on how to answer questions from your significant other:
“Without question.” – In response to, “Am I prettier than her?” “No.” – In response to, “Does this make me look fat?” or “Am I getting fat?” or “Does size matter?” (this works both ways, according to Friends) “Yes, dear.” – In response to, “Do you think {we|you} can ____?”
“I didn’t even notice her.” – In response to any question or phrase involving another female (e.g. “Good lord. That girl’s boobs were hanging right out of her shirt!”) “I love you exactly the way you are.” – In response to any question fitting this template: “Would you like me better if I {were|had} _____?”
This list won’t be complete until it has a response for “Would you eat my dog?” 
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