Trevin Chow

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Gerard sent me a review of alarm clocks that Slate.com did. His exact IM to me was “I thought of your obsession with alarm clocks when I saw this”.

Their rating methodology is on 4 factors:

“Ease of Use (10 possible points): Our days are stressful enough already—setting one’s alarm clock should not be as difficult as programming a computer. Was the instruction manual required reading? Did the clock wake me up in the middle of the night because I set it wrong? Could my Luddite father use this thing?

Wakeupability (10 possible points): The clock may not roll under the bed or have a mind of its own, but is the alarm volume adjustable for light and heavy sleepers? How well will it get me out of bed without making me want to smash it against a wall?

Features (10 possible points): More features don’t necessarily make a better clock, but this was an important metric in determining its overall quality.

Looks (10 possible points): Not only do you have to hear this thing every day, but you have to look at it, too. It needs some redeeming aesthetic qualities.”

The most important category for an alarm clock is certainly “Wakeupability” (sounds like a word I’d come up with) and the least important one is “Looks”. I don’t know about you, but if I found the best alarm clock in the world, but it didn’t match the decor of my bedroom, I’d still buy it

After reading the review, I’m disappointed in it. They have given a stronger weighting to alarm clocks that feature gimmicks than beneficial features. For example, they scored the Hammacher Schlemmer Peaceful Progression Wake Up Clock (trying saying that 5 times) higher because it sports an aromatherapy feature to release a scent to help you wakeup. Who are these reviewers!? Are they running a spa or trying to get up for work?

Second gripe is that they scored the Brookstone iHome Clock Radio for iPod ($99.95) very high simply because of the iPod connectivity. I’m an iPod fanboy just like the next guy, but there is no way this would be practical. I might plug in my ipod for the first few days, but then I’d forget to do it, leaving me with a really expensive clock radio each night with a sub-par feature set.

The ultimate winner was the RCA RP3765 ($56.99), which I completely disagree with. They give is kudos for being able to get local weather reports and play CDs. Based solely on the units and the description in the review, I would either have chosen the Timex AM/FM Clock Radio ($33) or the RCA RP3720 ($22) because of the convenient “napping” features, “graduwake” and dual alarm settings. I especially like the seven/five/two-day alarm schedule the timex has — what a great idea! Everything else in every other alarm clock in this review is complete fluff just to justify a heftier price.

One of these days, I have to convince someone to sponsor my own alarm clock review. Based on my experiences, the ultimate alarm clock would have these are must-haves:

1. Snooze button – you’re laughing but some alarm clocks don’t even have this feature, like the Biobrite EZ Wake Sunrise Clock. I guess the engineers forgot that normal humans like to hit the snooze buttone every once and awhile. Oh yeah, the snooze button should be nice and big so it’s easy to hit. No sense in having a snooze button that you have to hunt and peck for.
2. Dual alarms, with independant volume control — You could then set one alarm to start softer and the second alarm to be extremely loud. This would coincide with my current strategy for waking up as described by Vincent Cheung (look for his “simple system”).
3. Loud alarm – needs to be really, really loud. Or at least give me the option of setting it really loud. No sense in having an alarm clock you can tune out. Light sleepers can be satisfied by a “light sleeper” setting with a softer tone.
4. Schedule flexibility — like the Timex AM/FM Clock Radio, I love the idea of having the option of either the same alarm schedule every day, or a different schedule for mon-fri vs. sat-sun. How many of you constantly adjust your alarm right before you sleep and sometimes you forget and get woken up at the wrong time on a sunday morning?
5. Quick nap – in 2 button presses or less, allow me to take a quick nap assuming I’ve already preset the nap time. Revising the nap length should take me no more than 5 seconds.
6. Battery backup – absolutely essential in case of power failure or you need to unplug it. Backup runtime shoudl be reasonable to outlast a short power outage, at least 10 mins.

Nice to have features. These are no ship stoppers for my dream alarm clock, but I would value if it had.

1. Graduwake – must get louder progressively over time.
2. Ability to play a particular track on a CD – I’m not that keen on this feature, but I guess it woudl be nice. I know what will happen is that I”ll just leave the same CD in there all the time and never change it. It could be cool if this thing was Wifi enabled and I coudl stream an MP3 from my music server.. but let’s get real. This is an alarm clock.
3. Look good – I slagged the “Looks” review criteria earlier, but I do admit I like nice looking things that match my furniture. But it’s definitely not a “must have” and I’m definitely not paying through the nose for it.
4. Digital radio tuner – Please raise your hand if you hate using an analog tuner with a scroll wheel to find your radio stations. Yes, I hate em too. Give me a digital tuner please.

Maybe some company out there wants to hire me to review their alarm clocks before coming to market? My services are for sale

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